Overheard in the living room

I was looking through the Tiffany's catalog, appreciating the beautiful, expensive jewelry. I said, "Wow! Gorgeous! But $5000 for a cocktail ring?"

The Girl: "What's a cocktail ring?"

Me: "A ring for people who have too much money."

I paused, and said, "Oh well. Go big or go home, right?"

Without missing a beat, the Girl piped up, "Or go to Claire's!"

Overheard in the living room

The Girl was talking to my mom's dog, Sadie.

Girl: "I think we should be grateful for every moment we have. We should love life, Sadie!"

Me: "I do believe Sadie lives life to the fullest!"

Girl: "Sadie ravishes every moment!"

Me: "Ravishes? I think you mean relishes!"

Girl: "Those are the same thing?"

Me: "Hardly." (I then proceed to read the definition for "ravish," as in to take forcibly or to force a girl to have sexual intercourse."

Girl: (laughing) "I'm glad I try all my new words out on you, Mom!"

Overheard Playing Trivial Pursuit

Playing a game with the girl. Her question was about the International Date Line. She paused and asked, "Is that like Match.com?"

After we were all done laughing (with her, not at her, of course), she said: "Well, it sounds like a place you call where perverts from another country talk you into going out on a date with them!"

Overheard In the rental car

It's a GMC Acadia with 3 rows of seats. Mom in the far back. The seat belts are not adjustable. She commented, "If I got into an accident in this, the seat belt would cut my throat right off!"

The funniest was her serious tone of voice. She really meant it. Her throat, not her neck.

Overheard at Chez Ann Salon

Sister one: I'm going to go watch a movie at Jenny's
Sister two: I hate Uncle Jenny
(WTH? UNCLE Jenny?)

Overheard at Big Lots

This one is courtesy of my child. I hope no one else overheard.

The Girl, looking at a box of 48 Pop Tarts for $6.50.
Me: "would you eat that flavor?"
Girl: "No. I don't want them. I'm just laminating on them."
Me: staring at her in confusion
Girl: "That's the word, right? Laminating?"
Me: "I think you mean RUMINATING!""
Girl: "Yeah. That."

Overheard at Chez Ann Salon

Two sisters, about 10/11.
Sister one: Do you like your hair?
Sister two: Yeah. But I don't like yours.
Sister one: Your face looks pathetic